North of Hope

For the final time, we’re PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)!!!  Writing these words is so bittersweet, as I reflect upon our IVF journey which began over four years ago.  A journey which yielded a total of six embryos through two egg retrieval surgeries, four angels in heaven and our miracle little girl who is with us earth-side.  We have been through a lot in those years: a lot of heartbreak, a lot of needles, and a lot of questioning the “why” behind us being chosen to endure these challenges.  But we have also strengthened our faith and trust in God, gained a stronger foundation for our marriage, and developed a whole new definition of gratitude.  This journey has also afforded me the ability to openly share my story with others in hopes to reach even one person who is perhaps walking a similar path, or wants to know how to best support a loved one going through it.   

Rewind back to February of this year, when I began prepping my body physically and emotionally for our planned transfer in July.  As previously mentioned, I did a medical detox, and had monthly visits with my Naturopath to ensure my mind and body were in the best place possible.  The first week in July, I began taking oral Estrogen tablets to gradually thicken the lining of my uterus.  This treatment was coupled with multiple blood draws to monitor my hormone levels and an ultrasound ten days into my hormone treatment to assess my lining.  At that appointment, my lining was not where my clinic wanted it to be, so my medication dose was increased and I was scheduled for a repeat visit four days later.  Fortunately, the higher dose of Estrogen (despite the unpleasant side effect of a constant headache) was just what my body needed!  At that appointment, I was instructed to begin my Progesterone injections (the lovely shots in the bum), an oral steroid and an antibiotic, and most importantly, I was given the green light for our scheduled transfer on Thursday, July 29^th at 1:00pm. 

The morning of this transfer, I woke up with excitement as opposed to fear and anxiety.  In every previous cycle, I was filled apprehension and doubt as to whether or not we would ever become parents.  I can say confidently that the changing factor this time around is our sweet Reese.  Having her has brought us a profound sense of peace; that is not to say that we are not feeling anxious regarding the outcome of this final embryo transfer, but we are just so overjoyed to already have a healthy little girl.

An added component to our excitement for this transfer was choosing to have the embryologist share the gender, once we confirmed that the baby survived the thaw process.  It was a special moment for us and was something we certainly looked forward to.  Following learning the gender and hearing our embryo was genetically healthy and in perfect condition for transfer, I was brought to the procedure room and things happened swiftly.  We saw our little shooting star as it was placed perfectly inside my uterus, and Dr. Jensen concluded with her traditional pat on my stomach and her affirmation of “Stick and Grow, Stick and Grow.”

The remainder of the afternoon was occupied with my usual acupuncture appointment, an incredibly long nap, and my habitual post-transfer meal of Kowalski’s chicken noodle soup.  Who wouldn’t want chicken noodle soup on a 90-degree day in July, right?!  Call me superstitious, but I can’t break the tradition now! 😊 I’ve also tried to eat as many warm foods as possible, wear socks on my feet (warm feet = warm uterus), eat pineapple (with the core) daily, limit gluten, dairy and caffeine.  Research isn’t significant to prove any of the above as critical to success, but if anything has the slightest chance to aid in implantation, I’m on board to try it!

I am now six days post-transfer and my only symptoms thus far are fatigue (I attribute this to the hormone injections I’m taking to support the pregnancy) and a rather significant headache on day 4.  Several days after our transfer with Reese, I had some frightening spotting which made me fearful of miscarriage, but I later learned this was embryo implantation bleeding.  Thus far, I have not had that, and I am trying my hardest to not read into it too much.  Easier said than done, but hey, I said I’m trying.

Dave has been an incredible supporter, as always, during the preparation for our transfer, on the day of, and throughout this grueling waiting period.  He has always been such a hands-on, loving daddy and will willingly spend extra time with our busy little girl so I can have a break to rest my mind and body.  In a recent daily devotional, it spoke of David in Psalm 27, whose present life was perilous and future was shaky.  He didn’t know how his situation would unfold, but he knew that the Lord was his light of hope.  David chose to focus on what he knew rather than fretting about what he didn’t, and he consistently shifted his focus from his personal doubts to God’s perpetual dependability.  This is my husband to a T; it’s no wonder his name is David.

I’m making a personal decision each and every day of our remaining wait to follow David’s mentality.  It is not easy, but if there’s anything I’ve learned throughout our IVF journey, it’s that God is faithful.  He is good.  He is with us. 

Thank you for all of your prayers, messages of support, and positive thoughts you’ve sent to our family this past week.  We are overwhelmed by your generosity and consideration, and are eternally grateful.  Five days until our pregnancy test!

XO,

Em

“The LORD is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?” – Psalm 27:1a

“The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” – Psalm 27:1b

“Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid.  Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.” – Psalm 27:3