North of Hope

Feelings of gratefulness, joy, and inner peace fill my soul today as I sit down to write this blog post.  Dave and I just spent two days in Savannah, Georgia, followed by three on Hilton Head Island, and our babymoon was everything I hoped it would be!  We went into the trip with no plans or expectations, and planned each day as it came.  Relaxation was the main purpose of our getaway, and with a prenatal massage, time spent poolside, long walks exploring each city and incredible cuisine, we achieved just that.  We feel incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to enjoy one another’s company, laugh, feel baby’s kicks frequently, and talk about how much life is about to change… for the better.

I am happy to report that I have been feeling relatively well since my last update.  I do still experience intermittent nausea, but am maintaining the daily medication regimen which I’ve found works for me and keeps the symptom tolerable.  Sleep has become a bit more difficult as my belly has continued to grow, mostly because of the frequency at which I need to go to the bathroom 😊 But all in all, I can’t complain.  I am still doing my barre workouts most mornings, and trying to eat as healthy as I can (without restricting – let’s be honest, carbs are still my main food group).  Fortunately, I passed my 28-week glucose challenge test, and may I also add that I didn’t mind the drink that I had to consume one bit!  The test was just two days prior to us leaving for our vacation, and boy am I thankful that I passed.  It would have been very difficult to skip the nightly key lime pie or ice cream which was consumed 😉

At my 28-week appointment, I mentioned to my OB how many individuals have commented on my “small belly” or how they “can barely even tell I am pregnant.”  Even my primary care physician at my annual physical a few days prior made a comment saying “wow, you’re still so tiny for being in your third trimester!”  While I know that no one means this in a malicious way, and perhaps they even intend for it to be a compliment, it still upsets me and makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.  My OB told me that my belly is measuring within the normal limits, and my weight gain is appropriate for my weeks of gestation as well.  He then offered for me to have an ultrasound to confirm what he already knew to be true – that the baby was healthy.  He stated that he saw no medical reason which would warrant the need for the ultrasound, but if it would help me to feel better about the comments coming my way and reaffirm that our child is indeed growing appropriately, he would happily arrange for it.  I jumped at the opportunity, and spent the next twenty minutes admiring our beautiful, healthy baby.  The reason I share this is so everyone can be cognizant of how they speak to a woman who is expecting a child.  We all know that humans come in many shapes, sizes, and colors, and similarly, no pregnant woman (even from one pregnancy to her next) will look exactly the same as another.  As Psalm 139:14 reads so beautifully: “I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

We are beginning to put the final touches on our nursery and it’s been so fun to bring my vision to life!  We have also purchased some gender-specific clothing for our little one, and that has been beyond special for me.  Looking at the clothing as I place it in the drawers makes everything feel so real – in nearly ten weeks we will have a little one to fill out those pieces!  Also, in the next month I am incredibly humbled and grateful to have several baby showers planned for me and sweet baby Bernardy!  I feel so blessed to have incredible friends and family who wish to honor our journey and show their love for our family and child.  It’s still surreal to think that the invites coming through the mail are for a shower for me.  For so long it seemed, I would receive invitations for other mommy’s-to-be, all the while thinking, will this ever happen for me?  I honestly pinch myself every day.

Throughout our struggles with infertility I began following the stories of numerous women who were walking a similar journey as I.  Some of these women are now mothers to one, two, or even three children of their own, while others are still fighting for their miracle.   So while I celebrate the joy of reaching week 29 of pregnancy, the third trimester, I do always think about the fact that others are still grieving or perhaps just starting their own journey.  Sometimes I even feel guilty for feeling the degree of happiness that I do.  I know that sounds odd, but infertility is such a common thing, despite the silence which surrounds it, and I can’t help but feel for the yearning women and men out there who long to be at the stage that Dave and I now find ourselves.  I think God created our story the way it has unfolded for multiple reasons.  The first, to become closer to Him by fully surrendering and trusting in His plan.  And also, to better learn the valuable qualities of empathy and compassion for others, more so than we ever had before.  I hope to pass on the importance of these values to my child(ren) one day.

Thank you all for your continued love and support throughout our pregnancy, and the journey leading up to it.  I will continue to appreciate and welcome your prayers for a healthy baby to join our family when God says it is time!

XO,
Emily