North of Hope

Just two more weeks.  Two weeks until I officially surpass the seemingly impossible hurdle of the first trimester of pregnancy!  These first 11 weeks of pregnancy have been the scariest, most nauseating, yet most incredible weeks of my life.  While in the darkest trenches of our IVF journey, I never thought we’d get to the point we are now.  I remind myself daily just how grateful I am.

Yesterday, I had my first appointment with my OB – it felt like I was cheating on my fertility clinic going somewhere aside from there!  I think many mamas can relate to the anxiety one feels going in to the early appointments of pregnancy.  Is my baby okay?  Will they find the heartbeat?  Is baby growing as he/she should?  Fortunately, we heard the heartbeat for the first time from my stomach, and it was the most magical sound I’ve ever witnessed.  My doctor told us that once the heartbeat is audible via doppler, the chance of miscarriage falls to less than 5%.  While we still aren’t out of the woods, this was a huge relief to hear!!  Our next appointment is in two weeks, where we will have one additional doppler/heartbeat check.  After that, we sit tight until our 20-week ultrasound.

So how have I been feeling?  I must apologize for being rather mute for the past month.  As indicated in the first paragraph, this first trimester has been rough.  Starting at five weeks on the dot, I began to experience the nausea that is so often spoken about in early pregnancy.  You may remember that I celebrated this feeling with my coworkers, and was ecstatic to finally feel my first symptom associated with pregnancy!  Six weeks later, I can’t help but giggle at that moment of celebration and long for my physical state to return to some degree of normalcy.  From what I’ve heard from other women, and read in countless books/articles, nausea typically subsides after the first trimester.  And while I can’t help but look forward to that, I’m sure the lack of symptoms will then bring forth fear that our little one is indeed still in there!  Ah, the joys and worries of parenthood are presenting already 😊

Mornings are always the best time of day for me, as I start to steadily go downhill starting at about 1:00pm.  By dinner time, I swear my skin has a green tint I’m so nauseated.  I have been taking half of a tablet of Unisom along with Vitamin B-6 three times a day, and wearing my acupressure wristbands daily to counteract the sickness.  While I think these things take the edge off, they most definitely don’t take it away.  I have had to cancel almost all evening plans I’ve had for the past month and a half, which has been extremely difficult for me.  I miss my weekly church small groups more than anything, but I know and believe this season is temporary and I will be welcomed back with open arms.

If you know me well, you know that I am typically a pretty healthy eater.  I enjoy eating salads, vegetables, and an overall a clean diet (with of course room for sweets!)…  Well, I think I have had more carbohydrates in the last six weeks than anyone ever should.  And I probably haven’t touched a vegetable in that amount of time, either!  But whatever sounds appetizing, I go for it.  Calories are calories at this point, and I want to ensure I’m at least fueling my body, and therefore baby, with something as opposed to nothing at all.  I craved cereal at the beginning, and my new thing is hot dogs and cheeseburgers.  I think Dave is secretly loving this season of life we are in 😉

My sleep was absolutely incredible the first couple weeks after I found out we were pregnant.  I would fall asleep just moments after my head hit the pillow, and not wake until my alarm in the morning.  Now – I am getting up an average of four times per evening to go to the bathroom!  I have always had what seems to be the world’s smallest bladder, but I can’t help but think this is due to the baby and my uterus growing!  The exhaustion during the day is certainly real, but I’ve gotten pretty used to this and don’t necessarily notice the fatigue being much different than how I felt while taking the injections during our IVF treatments.  Speaking of injections – I am down to only taking one daily!  I discontinued my daily intramuscular Progesterone shot (the butt shot) at ten weeks, and since then, my body has been on its own for maintaining the pregnancy/sustaining my hormone levels.  This has been and still is a bit scary for me, but I need to trust that my body indeed can do what it is intended to.  I am taking Lovenox (a blood thinner injection given in the stomach) daily and will continue to do so, as a precaution to avoid clotting/miscarriage, until I hit twelve weeks next week.

Some people have asked me if I am showing or noticing a little bump yet.  I am not – and I’m a bit surprised considering my not-so-healthy diet!  But that will come in due time.  Since this is my first pregnancy, I’ve read that it can take a while to notice a change in your body.

And one final thing to update – Dave and I did our own little gender reveal after our six-week appointment, and we are so excited to know what we are having!  It makes things so much more real.  Since everyone (or those who follow our blog, at least) knew basically the second we became pregnant, we wanted to have one surprise to keep to ourselves during this experience.  So we had our fertility clinic seal the gender in an envelope, and we walked to the Dairy Queen by our house to have our reveal (call me selfish, but I definitely wanted dessert to be included in this big moment!! 😊).  Dave handed the envelope to the teenagers behind the counter and asked that they bring out strawberry sundaes if our little one is a girl, and hot fudge for a boy.  They were so excited to participate, which we were happy about, and didn’t just bring out the sundaes and plop them on the table.  They brought them in a sealed box and did a “grand opening” right in front of us!  The families around us sitting at picnic tables applauded – and still to this day are the only other people who know the gender of our baby!  Dave and I did not have a preference about gender – all we have ever wanted is a healthy baby.  It is a memory that neither of us will forget.  Only six more months until it’s no longer a secret!!

It’s finally starting to sink in.  I am pregnant.  Our little miracle is truly in the making.  And while I still have fear that something could go wrong, I choose in those moments to pray and ask God for protection and strength.  Protection over our little one, and strength to believe in His ultimate plan for our family.

XO,
Em