Dear Reese:
Waking up on the morning of your first birthday, I thought back to one year prior and the excitement we felt knowing it would be the day we would finally become parents. We welcomed you, a beautiful little newborn, so fragile and reliant upon your mom and dad for life. And over the course of the past 365 days you have steadily grown into an interactive, independent, fiercely loving little girl. I’ve watched as you smiled for the first time. I’ve marveled at the way your crooked toes resemble mine, and have recently carried you as you’ve taken your first steps. I’ve cried when you first said the word mama, and then again when you began saying it with true meaning. It’s been such an honor to navigate life with you as you open your eyes to all our world has to offer.
But you have not been the only one changing in this past year. The woman I was on December 18th, 2019 and the woman I am today is wildly different. My priorities have shifted. My relationships have changed. How I choose to spend my time and the things I find joy in – it all is different, in the most beautiful way possible. Because of you.
You’ve taught me so many lessons, my love. And here are just a few for which I am so grateful:
- You have taught me (and your daddy) the importance of our marriage. Four days before we had you, your daddy and I sat down for a nice dinner and wrote out our vows to one another. Vows like “Continue to work on/strengthen our marriage,” and “Incorporate the baby into our life and into the things we truly enjoy.” It’s been so critical to focus on those vows throughout this first year of parenthood, because lack of sleep and an incredible life change could really take a toll on a marriage. I’ve seen your daddy be an amazing partner, father, and advocate for both you and I over the past year and if it weren’t for a strong foundation between him and I, we could not give you the love and care that you need and deserve.
- You’ve taught me that self-care is priority. After having you, I quickly realized how a mom can become so devoted to and consumed by her new baby that she forgets to place emphasis on time for herself. With the support from your dad, I have continued exercising regularly, taking time to read my devotionals, and having the occasional solo stroll through the aisles of Target with a coffee in hand. In doing so, I’ve been the best version of myself and therefore, a better mama to you.
- You’ve taught me to ask for help. Prior to motherhood, I had a difficult time asking others for assistance – in any aspect of my life. I never had a problem communicating my feelings, but I rarely felt comfortable accepting support in the form of acts of service. Since becoming your mom, I’ve accepted the offers to babysit so your daddy and I can have a date night. I’ve felt more comfortable allowing my mom/your nana to clean the house for us. I’ve asked your daddy to take charge in the bottle cleaning department so it isn’t so overwhelming for me when I get home from work (and he is/was so willing to do so!). I now realize that it indeed does take a village to raise a child. And I hope to be able to pass along my help to other new parents who may be hesitant to ask for it.
- You have taught me that comparison can be a thief of joy. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparing a baby, or ourselves as mothers, to others. “Your baby is sleeping how many hours at one month old?” “You’ve already lost all of your pregnancy weight?” “You didn’t feel any postpartum depression?” It can be incredibly difficult to not look outward at others and measure their circumstances against our own. But in doing so, all it does is bring down the absolute joy that each unique baby and mom have to showcase. So Reesie girl, thank you for teaching me (with time and effort) to let all of that comparison go. You and I are uniquely ourselves, designed by God. And that, my love, is perfection.
- You have taught me that the word “bittersweet” describes parenthood perfectly. While I love watching you grow up and meet each milestone, I also mourn your infancy and absolute reliance on me alone. There is a chance that you will be our one and only child, and therefore I’ve learned to cherish each moment a bit more intentionally. After all, I’ll never know when it will be your last time crawling, your last time wanting to cuddle in the mornings, your last time nursing while holding my finger in your small little hands.
- You have taught me that things worth having are worth waiting for. My love, it was not an easy path to get to you. There were many moments, especially after the numerous losses of your brothers/sisters, in which I questioned how much longer I could pursue the title of “mama”. Hundreds of needles, a belly and bum full of bruises, numerous surgeries and too many medications to count… it was all worth it the moment you were placed in my arms for the first time. And every day since you were born, I can’t help but look at you with pure awe and admiration, knowing that God’s plan was absolutely perfect all along, even despite the painful season of waiting.
My dear Reese, it seems like we’ve always been together, you and I. You’ve grown so much over the past year – physically, developmentally, emotionally. And so have I as your mom. I’m thankful for you every single day, and as we embark upon your second year of life, I truly can’t wait for what you’ll teach me next.
XO,
Em/Mama
North of Hope 